| Beacon Villages Journal |
Doreen's Fun Page |
| As this month is particularly light of content and Doreen has been sending me quite a bit more stuff,
I have decided to extend the page for one more month. |
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE.
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as theshopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up afloor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . . . . .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The secondfloor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day! |
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| Don't Drink With Friends |
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"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV, and the most British thing of all?
Suspicion of anything foreign " |
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Women Are Smarter Than Men
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a
singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
"I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I will inherit 20 million
dollars." The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became
his stepmother!
Understanding Women (A Man's Perspective)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
Wife v Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Words
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
Stupid And Beautiful
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded,
"Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
The Beast
Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby
was losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will
bring out the beast in me." So what?" his wife shot back. "Who's
afraid of a mouse?"
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| Dubai (with palm trees) outside |
Dubai (with snow) inside |
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things, so they decide to go to the doctor for a Checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night,while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
His wife asks, "Where are you going?"
"To the kitchen" he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?
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A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
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Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
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A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
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A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis."
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| A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little
restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife. The fairy waved her magic wand and poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands.
Then it was the husband's turn.
He thought for a moment and said: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish...
So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! The husband became
92 years old.
The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.
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