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Beacon Villages Journal
Doreen's Fun Page


Doreen is training to become a spiritualist medium.



1. Coca-Cola was originally green.

2. The most common name in the world is
Mohammed.

3.The name of all the continents end with the
same letter that they start with.

4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

5. There are two credit cards for every person in
the United States.

6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be
made using the letters only on one row of the
keyboard.

7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!

8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

9. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

10. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze
because when you sneeze,your heart stops for a
millisecond.

11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up
into the sky.

12. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick"
is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the
English language.

13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a
rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can
rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and
die.

14. Each king in a deck of playing cards
represents great king from history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 =
12,345,678,987,654,321

16. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse
has both front legs in the air, the person died in
battle.If the horse has one front leg in the air,the
person died as a result of wounds received in
battle.If the horse has a all four legs on the ground,
the person died of natural causes.

17. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes,
windshield wipers and laser printers all have in
common?
Ans. - All invented by women.

18. Question - This is the only food that doesn't
spoil. What is this?
Ans. - Honey

19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

20. A snail can sleep for three years.

21. All polar bears are left handed.

22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by
eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-
class.

23. Butterflies taste with their feet.

24.Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

25.In the last 4000 years, no new animals have
been domesticated.

26. On average, people fear spiders more than
they do death.

27. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination'
and 'bump'.

28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with
only the left hand.

29. The ant always falls over on its right side when
intoxicated.

30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

31. The human heart creates enough pressure
when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30
feet.

32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18
months, two rats could have over million
descendants.

33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will
increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the
match.

35. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

36. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is
different

37. And finally 99% of people who read this will try
to lick their elbow


SYSTEM UPGRADE

Dear Technical Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend .0 to Husband 1.0 and  noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as EPL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.
And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.  
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed, DESPERATE **********************************************************************   


Reply: Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind;   Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.   Try entering the command C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.
If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.   These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.  
You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance.I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.