Beacon Villages Journal
Recent History Part 8
This page started when Andy White had been doing a bit of clearing up and came across some old photos and parish magazines. The articles have now been used up and I would be grateful if anyone has any old local papers or magazines from which to obtain more.

 

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

 

ARE SECRET ENGAGEMENTS ADVISABLE ?

"Yes, darling, I will consent to our being engaged if you will make me a solemn promise to tell no one in the World ! If a living soul even suspected our secret that would spoil everything for me."

This is quite a common request, made for the most part by sentimental young women who feel that the announcement of an engagement is not sufficiently romantic in itself, and need something more to satisfy their craving for superiority. They generally believe that this element of secrecy will enable them to enjoy the situation twice over, for besides rejoicing in the knowledge of an official bond, they will be able to gloat over the way their friends are being hood- winked. At the bottom of this attitude, whether it is conscious or not, are greed and selfishness. They want to squeeze the last drop of spurious romance from the situation and, thinking only of themselves, rob their fiances of their rightful pride and pleasure in making the engagement public. This is a type of girl who likes to eat her cake and have it too, and there is a very real danger that this tendency will show itself in married life, and, meeting with strong resistance then, it can easily lead to quarrels and unhappiness.

By placing both parties in a false position, secret engagements often lead to dishonesty and generally to all kinds of embarrassing situations. Of course, there are occasions when prudence and common sense will necessitate a secret engagement, but at the earliest moment the affair should be made public. A girl should be very sure of her lover before assenting to a demand for secrecy from him. It is essential that she should both understand and appreciate his motive for secrecy, and make him realize that if she were deserted later, for any reason, it would be difficult to get witnesses to prove that any binding form of agreement had existed.

 

EXPLAINING SEX TO ADOLESCENTS

Parents who have neglected to discuss sex with their children before puberty are now faced with a more difficult task. Numbers of them evade the duty altogether, feeling themselves incapable of speaking to their boys as man to man. Even in cases where some information has been already given, the father may feel unable to speak more openly now. There is a reason for this. A new factor comes into the discussions - the emotional one. Although a parent can explain the physiological processes, he can no more enlighten his son about the nature of the emotions than he can describe a picture to a man blind from birth. There is a whole realm of revolutionary emotional feeling about which he must necessarily be dumb. All he can, and should do, is to prepare his son, as far as he is able, for the part he must play in the drama of life and love. The precise role his child win be called upon to act he cannot by any chance foresee.

Some truths, however, he should try to impress; that sex must, always playa vital part in a man's life; that if treated as a trivial thing it will bring only trivial satisfaction, and in many cases disappointment; that it can bring the greatest joys as well as the greatest miseries; that if a man is unable to find happiness in his love life, he will never know peace of mind and deep content, no matter how great his possessions.

Provided with suitable illustrations, which may be borrowed from a public library, the father can point out the anatomical differences of man and woman, and tell how fertilization is effected. He can speak about the length of pregnancy and of what marriage entails.

In the case of a boy, it is better to use charts than to rely solely upon verbal explanations. They help considerably and make the whole affair seem in a sense less personal.

The right time to go into these explanations is when the boy begins to ask specific questions, or is believed to be seeking information. A wise father will choose the occasion, but should not fix any special day for the task.

The boy should be invited to ask as many questionsas he likes and every effort to give an honest answer should be made. He should also be told about the woman's monthly periods.

 

Right! All off to the library, then!

 

 

Gorlston Cliffs 1931 Great Grandma after the dog chewed her!
Norfolk Broads 1926

If any visitor to this site has any scraps of history

- old magazines, papers or photographs -

we would be delighted to scan them, tidy them up and publish them and return them to you with copies of the 'tidied up' versions if you would like them.